The darkness of the room weighing heavy in the air. You can almost feel it pressing against you, as if trying to will itself into some type of tangible existence to consciously and savagely thrust down upon your soul. The flood of sensation you feel surging from every hair as it instinctively stands, starts to cause great confusion, an almost primal panic develops, every one of your scenes becomes heightened past their maximum thresholds. Your breathing is tight, labored, shallow, wheezes out of your dry, constricted throat, making even the slightest audible noise impossible, as your body enters into an icy cold sweat and paralyzing state of fear.
Slowly, cautiously you open your eyes, expecting to see a legion of demons in a pouncing stance ready to devour you down to your very essence and deliver you to the master where he waits eagerly at the gates of hell. Instead you see nothing, only the blinding blackness of pure emptiness. The silence is deafening, almost painful, leading you to a loathing feeling that you would rather experience the piercing pain of a hot knife be slowly pressed deeply into the soft fleshy parts of your gut.
Your energy zapped, drained, dwindling down to the point where you don’t know if you have the strength to take another breath. Your desire, drive, and willingness to push yourself to take just one more gasp of air is quickly becoming almost as feeble. The feeling of helplessness is so overpowering, so vigorous as it battles you with tools and weapons that mock any major world power’s elite arsenal of weapons of mass destruction, it forcing itself to be felt not only by your mind, but by your heart, and ultimately turning it sights to your soul.
Tightening your eye’s, painfully straining them shut as if the fight to keeping them close was tied directly to your very existence. The pressure builds, becoming daunting, but still you don’t let go, you can’t let go. Using all of your reserves of energy, strength and hope, you tighten your lids, bring on such pressure, such cramping pressure, it causes pure white, blinding flashes of false stands of light, those of which can be likened to staring at the summer solstice sun at mid day. The contrasts shock you into an almost seizing state.
You lie there, willingness to fight gone, your drive depleted, your hope no more, totally stripped of even…. Faith…..
That’s when you see it, there in the blinding darkness of nothingness or is it there in the bright, burning, seizing light? You can’t tell, for now they seem one in the same, one inside the other, so much so you can not tell which one is which, as if neither one begins because the other one never ends. But you see it. There before you, set up in plain sight, you see what you have been fighting against. You see is as if you could reach out and touch it. It’s smell is both tantalizing and putrid, fills this universe, your universe with a aroma of a flesh so sweet yet sickening and spoiled.
It is there in front of you, used, old…. Dead…
You lie there, and realize this thing, this object, this event, this want, that you so thought was a need, and fought so desperately for, as if should be a need, is nothing. Nothing that should be praised as a want, and nothing that deserves such a title of a need. At one time, maybe. Maybe at one blink of an eye, it should have been wanted, something to draw you to it to teach you some life lesson. Something wanted, only to show you a side of yourself that needed to be seen, but nothing more. It was never meant to be something to be held on to and kept. It was never meant for you to hold on to and protect. It was never meant to become anything for you except maybe to notice that it was something that you would never need.
You lie now relieved, tired but somehow empowered and stronger. Your code of arms lay besides you, tools used during your battle to keep and protect something that needed no such act. Saddened by the thought of the time, energy and resources wasted in such a undeserving thing. Yet, you now smile with this new feeling of empowerment, this new understanding, that you never realized you could feel or know. You allow yourself one last look, one last glance at this thing now so lifeless, this thing now so undesirable, and through the sight of a single, joyful, uplifting and spiritual tear you open your eyes.