Giving all of yourself, or to state more accurately, allowing yourself to give all of yourself to someone else is sometimes more difficult than looking into the eyes of a child and leaving them with an unanswered question to “How” or “Why”. Those of us that have done such of an act know just how heart wrenching it can be. Obviously, the act of giving yourself to someone is not just in a physical sense. Compared to the other essences we can define as “yourself” our physical self is by most, the easiest part to give. What about the other parts or essences of yourself? Can you honestly say that you have given someone all of yourself? Have you given someone not only the knowledge of your most beloved dreams but also handed them the knowledge of your most dreaded fears? Have you ever informed or shown someone just how to uplift your spirit as far as the heavens above while also teaching them just how to drag your soul down to the very gates of hell? Have you given someone so much and everything of yourself, that if they were to walk away, your very existence would seem to walk away with them?
I can honestly say “No” I have not given all of myself to anyone. I have came close, oh so very close, to giving someone that much power over me. I have walked down that path only to stop at the fork, and chose to take the other path. I do not .. no.. I do know why I chose to walk the other path instead of allowing myself to feel the release of giving the ultimate gift. That reason being nothing more than fear.
It is nothing more than fear, stated like it is some simple thing that should be as easily cleaned up and tossed away like droplets of spilt milk. So if it is nothing more than fear stopping me, holding me back, not allowing me to extend all of me to someone else, not allowing me to ascend to that higher feeling of wellbeing, then why do I not just face it, become a “David” and smite my “Goliath”?
We all know that when it comes down to it, fear is no little thing. There is no easy way turn to and face such of a primal emotion and beat it back like it was not some goliath of almost unfathomable power. That is just it, isn’t it? It does not really have unfathomable power. It only has the power that we give it. So, how do you not give it power? How do you take away that what you have already given it? How do you turn your stone and point it at yourself? Faith? Take a line read off of a 30 second commercial and “just do it”?
I guess it is faith that is really holding me back. Maybe it is not the fear. The fear that if I give someone all of me, they would use it against me. Maybe it is the lack of faith. Not faith in a god or a belief system, but a lack of faith in myself. Maybe if I had more faith in myself, that if I did give someone access to all of myself, and they did use the knowledge and turned it back against me, I would, in the end, still be able to stand up and use the experience to not only learn from it, but to also make myself stronger in my faith to be able to dust myself off and try again. Well, at least I have something to put that extra energy into now that I am taking it away from fear.. Right?